Time: Eastons Love Language

Being a mom is hard.

Being a mom to more than one, is even harder.

Twice as rewarding, but it comes with it's difficulties in those first few months of learning how to juggle two that need your love and attention.

The baby requires so much right now, and the big brother ends up with a lot of independent play time.

Some weeks are really, really good.

But some are really, really bad.

Some days I am almost in tears by 9:00, feeling like I've ruined his "normal life".

He used to get to go to school, play with friends, have one on one time with me and with Lance.

But now, he's home with me, all day.  With his little sister, who requires so much of his mom.

Last week, was a bad one.

If I said up, he said down.

If I said peanut butter and jelly, he said Lunchable.

By Tuesday, I was ready to go back and sit in my cubicle. 

By myself.

But that's not an option.

So we had to figure something out.

He couts down the minutes till Lance gets home, almost every day.

Lance is the fun parent.  He plays.  He laughs.  He sits.

Easton is a different child when Lance gets home.

I had to figure out what Lance had, that I didn't have.

One night, at my wits end, after Easton had been sent to his room, for what, I don't even remember, we had a breakthrough. Well, I did. He was asleep.

He had supper and was sent right to bed, by 7:30pm.

It was an emotionally draining day for both of us.

I felt sad for him going to bed early and upset, but I was so weary and tired.

After finally getting supper cleaned up, Emerson a bath and put to bed, I peeked in on him.

So, little and still.  My little baby boy.

Who still needs his momma, even though at times he acts out.

Or worships the ground his daddy walks on.

I went and got my monitor for Emerson and set my phone alarm for midnight when she'd need to be fed again, and crawled in his bed.

As I laid down and got under the covers he opened his eyes.

"Can I lay with you buddy?" I asked.  "Yes" and he nestled in a little closer.

You couldn't have gotten a tooth pick between us.

Every part of his little body was touching mine, as we lay nose to nose.

He needs me.  He needs my time.  He needs my one on one.

I ended up falling asleep in there, and woke to my alarm sounding that it was time to feed Emerson.

The next morning, he remembered that I got in his bed.

He remembered that I took that time to love on him.

To snuggle him.

And that night, he asked for it again.

"momma, can you get your monitor and your phone and lay with me again?"

This week has been so much better.

It's so hard to manage my time.

When Emerson naps, which is rare, I try to scurry around and get things done, but that leaves Easton alone again.

So this week, instead, I've managed to get her in her bed, for even just a 30 minute nap and we play.

Just me and him.

And it fills his little love tank up and gives him the reassurance that he needs from me, that I'm here, and I love him.

Forever.

We still have our moments.  He's 4.  I'm tired. It's bound to happen.

But I'm also learning, that it's in those moments, that he's really saying STOP.  Just look at me.  Hold me.  Sit with me.  Read me a book.  Throw a baseball.   Catch a baseball.  JUST STOP.

I'm learning to say 'yes' more.  I'm picking my battles.

After all, most of the battles we have are not life or death, so there's no need to make them out to be that.  

Life is really to short, and these babies grow up way to fast to be anything less than happy & fun!

And he's such a good boy.  Really.  Not just because he's mine.  

He's really a good, good boy.

And loves his sister so tenderly. 

And he loves his daddy & me so genuinely.  So freely.

He's gracious to forgive.  So quick to move on after a rough moment.  

So helpful and loving.

And full of life and joy.

I'm so thankful to have discovered what he needs from ME.

Because the "mommas make happy hearts" and the "i love you's" out of the clear blue, and the "I like it when you take me to baseball, just me and you." 

Those are priceless.

Those are what dreams are made of.

My greatest joy in this life is to be a mother, and these children need to see, feel, believe, KNOW that.

Even though mommy does need Grace too at times.

These days are priceless.  

They are sometimes long and hard, but they are the very best days of my life.