Spend the Day Playing

It doesn't get much cuter than this folks!!! ;)

This is what our weekday play looks like!

Even though I can't be at home with my little angel bucket all day,

 he has a great time playing at school!

And THIS is weekend play.

This is MY kind of play! We head to the pool and play all day long!

WE LOVE SUMMER!

For more info on the Inspiration Workshop and RUFFLES

head on over to Gussy's site! HAVE FUN!

Guilt, Worry & Victory

Sometimes I feel guilty. I read my fair share of blogs and most of the blogs I read either have to do with kids or crafts or a combination of both. Most of the baby blogs I read have had some sort of fertility issue, or have a special needs child or a preemie. I look at all these women gazing in to the eyes of their newborns eyes and I see this deep love and amazement when I look at these women. And my heart almost hurts when I see these pictures. Did I do this? Did I feel this? Did I look at my child this way? I know I did. I know I felt it. I know I loved him. But I think my feelings of doubt and worry overshadowed the joy that being a new mother brings.

I don't know that I suffered from post-partum depression exactly, but I do know that those first 6 weeks were a complete blur. The first Lance was home and I was dreading his return to work. The next week, I was on my own, all day every day. {I did have my mother-in-law at the end of the street ready to help at any given moment, and my mom would come after work if I needed}. But it wasn't Lance. It wasn't what I was used to. I was lost.

The up in the middle of the night, feeding every 3 hours, wondering if he's getting enough milk from me, not knowing what to do for this, that or the other, those things consumed me. Breastfeeding was a real issue for me. I'm type A. I like to know exacts, like how much milk is he getting at each feeding, how much should he be getting, how long should he nurse. I had milk, praise the Lord. Still do. That was never the issue. I just didn't know exacts. And that drove me crazy. He was always a quick nurser. No longer than 10 minutes on each side and he was done. Instead of being thankful for a 20 minute session, I'd wonder for the next 2 1\2 hours if he was going to get hungry before the next feeding time. I'd worry. I'd wonder. I'd stress. But like clockwork, my little future Type A would wait patiently till his 7a-10a-1p-4p or 7p. The middle of the nights were never scheduled. But he was good. Normally twice a night, sometimes 3 on a rare night. But still. I'd worry and wonder and stress.

It was at 6 weeks when everything clicked. That love that I knew I had deep within me came out. I remember coming in the front door. My mother-in-law was at my house with Easton while I had ran out on an errand. I think it was my first outing without him. I missed him. I'd never had the opportunity to miss him before. He had been with me all the time. But today, I'd missed him. And it felt good. I remember saying to her something along the lines of 'I missed him. And I love him. I really love him. And I think he loves me too' She looked at me a little odd as if to say with her eyes 'well, I"m glad you do. He IS your child.' But it clicked. He was mine. I was his mother. This child made me a mother. No longer would I ever just be a wife, daughter, sister, friend. My title now happily included mother.

Ever since that day my love for him has grown. I never thought it was possible to love someone so much. I think of him while I'm at work and I have this strong urge to get in my truck and peek in on him at school. I count down the hours until I get to go pick him up in the afternoon. He truly his the joy of my heart. The light of my life. Sometimes it hurts because I love him so much. Almost like my heart is in my throat all the time. It's a good hurt of course.

But then, in comes the worry. I worry about everything. I still worry, wonder and stress. It's satan I know. I don't know why he chooses to attack me this way, but he knows the way to get me is to get my mind to play tricks on me. And boy, he can get me wound up quick. Some days I"ll wonder 'did I tell Easton I love him before I left him at school?" or "if something happened to me today, he'd never remember who I was or know how much I love him" or "what if something ever happened to him, how would I ever survive?" And then, it consumes me. Those thoughts invade my mind for the rest of the day. They'll start coming and I'll pray. Then I'll go about my merry way and back they'll come. I"ll let them stir around for a little while, messing up my head and then I'll pray again. It's back and forth. It's a constant battle. All day. It's mostly when I'm tired. Or bored. Either way, satan attacks.

Psalm 92:1

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

BUT. There is victory. There is victory and there is hope in KNOWING and believing that there is One who is bigger than my doubt, worry, wonder and stress. There is One who is waiting for me to bring my fears and doubts to his feet and crawl up in His arms and let it all out. In the same way my baby tugs at my leg begging to be picked up, days like today I long to feel the embrace of the One who knit me together in my mothers womb. He loves Easton even more than I do. He created him. He's the One who made him so perfect and happy. So, today I"m claiming the victory. Jesus is getting the praise today. I'm not letting Satan take this day. He had yesterday. Today, I'm going to praise Him for all that I have. For my hard working husband. For my son who is perfect in every way. For my family who is so dear to me. For In-Laws that are so special to me. For friends. For my job. For the sunshine. I will praise Him and give him the glory for the victory of a new day.

Matthew 6:27

Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to his life?

Matthew 6:34

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Happy Father's Day

When I think of my dad, I think of so many character traits that I wish to possess.  He is humble.  No matter when I tell him I'm proud of him, he always says 'you be proud, I'll be grateful.'  He is always one to do something for others, putting himself last.  I think of the word strong.  He has been through so much in his 55 years of life, more than I can ever imagine but he has come through shining on the other side.  I think of the word dedicated.  He is dedicated to his family and his friends.  Twenty plus years of sobriety and he's dedicated to his sponsors and sponsee's in his AA family.  He's a good listener.  I can call at any hour of any day and he will stop what he's doing, grab a smoke and a cup of coffee and listen to whatever it is I have to say.  If advice is needed, he'll give it.  If all I need is to vent, he'll listen.  Speaking of advice, he's got some of the best unbiased advice on the block.  He's a list maker.  I can remember when I was little, if I wanted something I'd have to list the pro's and con's of this or that.  And to this day, we still make lots of mental and written lists together and apart.  He's loving.  He's always ready to give out hugs or kisses or a kind look.  He has a heart as big as the ocean.  The words really could go on and on.  If I think of every descriptive word I could easily use it to define his life and his role as my father.  I am so lucky to have him as my father and so blessed that we have the relationship that we do today.  We haven't always had such a sweet relationship, but we do now, and for that I'll be eternally grateful.  Thanks Papa for all you have done for me and Al.  We love you so much! 

And to my husband, the father of my child, to see you with Easton is amazing.  Watching him grow and reflect you as a person really melts my heart.  To see you two interact and to watch him mimick eveything you do is priceless.  I knew I loved you when I said "I DO" but I never realized how much more I could love you watching you with our son.  You are an amazing father and Easton is so lucky to have you as his daddy.

Daddy & Easton had a big ole nap together today!  Ahhhh, we love weekends!

This is the sweetest time.  They read a book before bed and the hilight of the book is to find the little chicky.

When they find him, they laugh and laugh!

Love these boys!

Happy Father's Day to Bob too!!!

My FAVORITE Father In Law!

I used to be the favorite daughter in law but now that Jamey's here, she's taken on that roll.

She's nicer than me. She doesn't talk back! ;)

I love you Bob!

And last but not least, Big Ron!

The greatest step-dad {though I don't like that word cause it sounds ugly} ever!

Thank you for loving Mom, Al & me with all of your heart!

because i'm too tired right now to figure out why this won't stand up straight, i'll leave you with this sideways picture.  Just turn your head. You'll get the idea.  Maybe I'll fix it later.  Or, maybe I won't! 

{I FIXED IT!}

Go hug a Father today.  Especially you're own if he's around!

15 Month Check Up

We had our 15 month check up- ON TIME {Actually 4 days early}!  I know, hold your french fries, right.

We got 2 shots (HIB & DTAP).  I'm still on the fence about shots, but I look at it this way, I got them, Lance got them, most people get them...so I'll get them for Easton too.  For now.  I think for the most part they are completely safe and will prevent so many bad things and protect him from lots of germs so I'll listen to the doc's and do what they say. 

Easton weighed in at 24 lbs on the nose and was 31 inches long. 

He's got the tiniest feet ever, but those are soon going to be a size 4.  We are in 3's now, but about to make the move up. 

As for pj's, we're in a 18 month if they're one piece or a 12 month if they are tops/bottoms.

As for shorts, we're still 12 months. He's short legged so his shorts look more like capri's.

Shirts are either 12 or 18 months.  Some 12's are perfect, some are too little.  Some 18's are perfect, others are too wide in the shoulders.

So, there's the stats. 

Happy Hump Day!

This day last year

This time last year, I had completed my very first day back to work after maternity leave.  What a day that was.  As I reflected thoughout the day I thought about how much different this day was from last year.

This day last year, I woke with a hungry 3 month old that wanted momma's milk and fell back to sleep with daddy after nursing.

This day last year, I cried most of the way to work.

This day last year, I carried my baby in school in his carseat.

This day last year, I had to pack 2 bottles of breastmilk.

This day last year, I left my baby in a strangers hands, not knowing how much she'd end up loving him.

This day last year, I went to nurse my 3 month old baby on my lunchbreak.

This day last year, I picked my baby up from his first day of school and he slept all the way home.

However, a year changes things.  Even though I don't like leaving Easton and I'd love to stay at home with him, we have a new normal.  A new normal of going to work and school.  And for right now, that's what works for us.  This is a little piece of our new normal.

Today, I nursed my baby boy when he woke up and I fed him oatmeal with cinnamon on the kitchen counter.

Today, we rode in silence.  Easton in the back with his foofie and me in the front zoned out from a tiring weekend.

Today, I carried my big boy in school on my hip.

Today, all I had to pack was his foofie and some diapers.

Today, I dropped my baby off on the playground and had to try 3 different times to get out the door, eventually having to leave him crying in the arms of his new teacher.  {I watched through the tinted door as I do every morning and just like always, he had stopped crying once the door had closed and I was out of sight}

Today, he drinks whole milk with his snacks and lunch and he eats big boy food.

Today, I picked my sweaty baby up from the playground where he crawled through the big tree with his friends. 

Today, he was awake on the way home- as he always is now- and we sing songs to keep the peace.

Today, I nursed my baby to sleep and I can sit on the couch with confidence knowing that he'll rise like clockwork at 6:15 ready to start all over again. 

We are creaturs of habit. 

We do good with a routine. 

Some days the routine seems mundane and repetitive but we throw a kink in every now and then. 

Like today. My boys went to the golf store to get daddy a new driver while I stayed home and did chores.  I did those chores with a little more pep in my step as I had an hour or 2 at the most to myself.  Even though I miss yesterdays, today is so much more fun. 

Tonight, we sat on the deck and felt the cool summer nights air on our skin and pushed bathtime a little later than usual.  It felt good.  Easton is monkey see, monkey do these days.   Lance would fake cry into a tshirt and Easton would do the same, coming up with a smile each time as he knew he'd made us laugh.  We were also late to bed.  Easton wanted a book before bed tonight.  He wanted the touch & feel book with the baby farm animals. Lance taught him that once he got to the chick with the soft yellow belly they would discover it together and laugh as if it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen.  Lance saying "ooooo, the baby chicky" would tickle Easton's funny bone and they'd just laugh and laugh.  He is so full of personality and spirit.  He blesses my soul. 

I will try to remember each day's a gift and be thankful for each day as it is life's greatest blessing.  These are the moments that I'll cherish for the rest of my life.

The Wedding Weekend

I'm pretty sure we're all still recovering from lack of sleep, excitement, hoopla and sweet memories, but here's a picture heavy recap of this past weekend's wedding.  



All the girls had lunch at The Chocolate Covered Strawberry on Friday afternoon {compliments of the Mother of the Bride} followed by a trip to the nail salon for some mani\pedis.  If you've never been to The Chocolate Covered Strawberry, you must go.  We had the most delicious lunch of chicken salad, ham or turkey on croissants, with chips and this salad to.die.for.  It was chopped lettuce with cinnamon roasted almonds, ramen noodles, strawberries and homemade strawberry poppyseed vinaigrette dressing. 

Lunch was finished off by, of course, a chocolate covered strawberry. 

DELISH!

The Rehearsal was Friday night at Vine Street Church followed by dinner at the

Hermitage Steakhouse.

YUMMY!  Easton loved the Salad Bar! 

And he loved sharing dinner with his Honey & MawMaw.

We all went with Jamey to get our hair and make up done before the wedding...

...and enjoyed getting all gussied up for the big day!

Look at my little lovie- he looks so handsome in his tux. 

Both my lovies too for that matter!

HA!  And the top picture cracks me up! 

I think Easton shed tears two times the whole weekend and this was one of them. 

Truly this was a weekend full of laughter and smiles. 

It was so much fun to be a part of this wedding!

The wedding party took a limo from the church to the reception. 

Honey drove Easton in my truck so we could ride in the limo. 

I was a nervous wreck. 

That was the first time Easton's ever ridden with someone other than me or daddy. 

But, he was in good hands!

And we had a great time in the limo!  Thanks Honey!

And, at the last minute I made Easton this onesie for the reception because I knew he'd be too hot in that tux.  Easiest project ever.  I bought a patch at Walmart, you know the kind you patch your pants with that already had sticky on one side, and cut out a tie and ironed it on.  Then I stitched around it with my sewing machine to make it more professional looking.  The letters on back were iron on too.  Easy, peasy!

{Special THANKS to my mom for helping me all day with Easton.  Thanks to Mom & Ron for coming to get my little Ring Bearer and taking him home for bed so mommy & daddy could enjoy the par-tay!}

Seriously, these 3 were the best dancers of the night! 

They went back and forth all night long with which one stole the dance floor. 

I think Austin {Jamey's Brother- pic #1}won! 

Such a fun night!

And... just becuase...I love this picture!

And, finally, this could be my favorite picture of the night. 

I love the bubbles.

I love the love in this picture. 

I love how tightly they are holding each other. 

I love that Tyler has someone to love him for the rest of his life. 

 I love that she's now my sister-in-law.

I love the memories that I'll cherish of this weekend.   

Congratulations Jamey &Tyler! 

We are all so happy for you!