Confirmation

Well, today was the dreaded appointment. I knew in my heart what the results were going to be but I heard it from a "professional" today. We did indeed have a miscarriage.

Today, as I walked through the doors of my OBGYN's office with Lance, I thought "we should be here celebrating and getting to see our new life on the monitor" but instead through teary eyes I glanced around the waiting room in envy of all the other mothers or mothers-to-be with baby in tow or still as a bump on their belly. This is not fair. I have no clue as to why this happened to us, but I keep telling myself to trust in Jesus. I know that He has a plan and that His ways are better than my ways.

I can tell myself the things that I know all day long like: I know that something was probably wrong with this baby and it is the Lords way of handling it, or I know that God is in control, or I know that this is "common" but I also know that none of those things take this hurt away from my heart. It's a deep ache that I can't explain. It's a hole in my heart kind of hurt that I didn't even know my heart had a spot for. But I know that the Lord is faithful and He will see us through this difficult time.

Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding." That is my verse for today.

Keep us in your prayers.

Much Love,
Lance & Annie

Until God says No, Keep Believing YES

Yesterday started off with a bit of a stomach ache. Emily and I had Macaronni Grille at 9:30 on Friday night so I figured the chicken canalonni was a bit heavy for me & my little one. As the day progressed the stomach ache subsided but the cramps worsened. By 6pm the cramps were pretty bad and some other less than pleasant "warnings" were occuring. By 8pm we were in our local Emergency Room with family and friends. After an ultrasound and a pelvic exam, the early indications are that we have miscarried. We will not know for sure until Monday or Tuesday when I can get in with my doctor.

Before the ultrasound the ER doctor told us that if we were not very far along then we might not see anything with the scan. After the radiologist read my films he did say that there was a sac in the uterus. However, the later pelvic exam showed some questionable "tissue." The ER doc thought that MAYBE there were twins in there and one miscarried and there is still one in my uterus or that the sac was what became the "tissue" in the pelvic exam. He really has no way to know since we are so early in this pregnancy.

My hCG level was 1733 which shows that we were in our 4th-5th week of pregnancy. I will get a call in to the doctor first thing tomorrow and try to get in there either tomorrow or Tuesday. If the "numbers" go up, then we are still pregnant but if they go down then it is proof of a miscarriage.

I guess I will have to tell work something now, but I feel certain that they will be more than accomidating.

Please pray for Lance and I and our families as we travel this uncertain path. It's hard to know what to think or feel at this time and I know that God's grace and love is the only thing that's 'concrete' at this time. Stacey told me that "until God says no, keep believing YES." That's a hard thing for me to do right now since at the top of our discharge papers it says MISCARRIAGE but I guess the final word will come from my doctor when we can get in to see her.

I will update again as soon as I know more.

Thank you for your prayers,
Lance & Annie

4 Positives

So, after a week of wondering if we were pregnant, it is confirmed! We have 4 positive pregnancy tests, as if 1 or 2 was not enough! Lance and I found out Friday night that we were expecting our first child. I do not know a due date yet, and I don't really know how far along I am, I just know that we got 4 positives! We told our parents, our siblings, our grandparents, our greatgrandparents, our friends and each were elated!

We shared the news with Lance's mom and dad first. They were thrilled. We then went to my mom's and shared the news with her and RG! They could not believe it! I went to tell my dad and Donna and my dad jumped with joy! My mom went with me to tell Ali and she cried tears of joy! More were told yesterday and each response was much the same. Our grandparents found out they would be greatgrandparents and our great-grand-parents found out they would be GREAT-Great-Grand-Parents! God has blessed us with 4 grandmothers, 1 great-grandmother and 1- great-grandfather!

I cannot even begin to explain what I am feeling other than a huge mix of emotions. I feel good; I feel beyond blessed! I know that this child is God's will for our lives and that we will somehow learn how to be parents. We are parents now to Kirby and she has been our baby for 6 years so hopefully a baby will fit right in to our mix. I start my new job tomorrow but I won't be sharing this news right away. I think I will wait till I am about 12 weeks along to tell them.

Please keep us in your prayers as we continue on this amazing journey of becoming parents!