How do you it all???

Sometimes I get this strong urge to be a stay at home mom. That I need to be at home.  That I WANT to be at home with Easton; that this rat race of to and from school and work is such a waste.  No.  Not a waste, because yes I'm making money to help provide for our family and help save money for our new house, but a waste, because I'm not with him.  And he's growing up way too fast. 

He's almost 2 folks.  23 months old yesterday.  Where did the time go?  Perhaps even if I stayed at home I'd feel the same way, like where did the time go? But I'd know that I'd have been right there beside him every step of the way.  But, right now.  I'm not. 

He's at school most of the day.   I get 5-6 hours a day with him during the week.  An hour in the morning, 30 minutes to and from school and about 3-4 hours at night, depending on the night.   Most of our morning is spent rushing to get ready to go to school, and our afternoon rushing home to make dinner, clean up, do laundry, get baths, etc.  The weekends are our real times together. And I cherish our weekends. 

However, there is a silver lining. He goes to a fabulous school.  He learns so much.  He is leaps and bounds above other kids his age in some aspects.  He can fill in the blank on the Pledge of Allegiance, he can fill in the blanks from 1-10, he knows most of his ABC's, he can say just about everything we can, he is social, he is outgoing, he can share.  If I was at home, I don't know that he'd know all of this.  I would like to think that I'd be organized and routine enough to have 'school' for a few minutes throughout the day where we work our letters and numbers and colors.  But I've never had that chance, so I can't say for sure.  Either way, I'm so thankful for his school and the opportunity he has to be there while we're apart.   

But this time apart comes with a price.  And a lack of patience some days on my part.  I know I'm not the only mother that works outside of the home, but I'm really struggling to find a balance.  Where I can fulfil my duties as a wife and mother and work outside the home.  Right now I have the feeling, that I do a lot, but do nothing WELL. 

Take this morning for example.  Before we even got out the door I was a flustered mess.  He hit is head in the bathroom, he was crying, it was time to change clothes, he didn't want to change clothes, he didn't want to wear his jacket, he wanted to take the loudest.toy.possible. in the car with us, he wanted to walk down the steps himself, he didn't want to get in his carseat, the list could go on.  All of this before 7:20.  And let me tell you, he's a GOOD BOY.  Really.  He doesn't give me a lick of trouble most days, other than not listening the first time asked.  But normally, with enough patience from me, and a few attempts, he makes a good choice and does what is asked.  And we go on our merry way. 

But this morning, I was on edge.  I was running late.  I was tired.  SO, I was low on patience.  And he's the one that paid for it.  And that's not fair.  It's days like this where I just want to say screw it, we're staying home.  I want to put my yoga pants on and take it in slow motion.  Just the two of us.  You know, open the blinds, let the sunshine in, make up the beds, read books, take a walk, eat lunch, take a nap, play outside, play blocks, throw in a few chores here and there. 

But, I can't.  We have to rush.  We have to beat the traffic.  I have to drop him off.  I have to go to work. 

I know there are plenty of SAHM's who feel the same way.  Overwhelmed, overbooked, under appreciated,  not enough hours in the day.  I really cannot imagine all that goes into staying at home and being everthing to the kids at all times.  I'm sure they'd like to come sit in my cubicle for a day some days too.  Whether you work at home as a SAHM (yes, a SAHM DOES work) or outside the home, it's a challenge to find your groove.   

I also know that there would be days if I was a SAHM that I would long to sit in my cubicle and have 8 hours to myself. Where I could go to the bathroom on my own, eat lunch in quiet. And to be quite honest, I do like my little cubicle. My little home away from home. I love my co-workers and my job. It's fulfilling to add an extra deposit to the spreadsheet, ya know. But, some days, it's just a bit much. I just want to do one or the other. It's hard being both. Every day.

So, cherish that time at home with your little ones.  Because today, today I'd like to be at home with mine. 

How do you find balance? In your situation, how do you do it all???