How do you say goodbye?

How do you say goodbye to someone when you don't think it was their time to go?

How do you accept that they're gone when you feel like you just saw them?

How do you say your sorry to others for their loss?

How do you heal when your heart hurts for the time that you should have had?

Heaven gained an angel yesterday.

We lost one.

"Nanny" passed away suddenly.

I'd like to think it's how she wanted to go.  

She had told everyone when it was her time, she'd want to go quick and painless.  And she did.

I thank God for that.

My heart aches for Bob and Cathy and David.  They lost their mom.

My heart aches for Adam, Lance, Tyler, Matt, Chris, Lindy, Brooke & Holly.  They lost their Nanny.

My heart aches. 

 I lost my Mexican Buddy. 

We used to have Mexican Thursday EVERY week. 

Together.  Just the two of us.

It just doesn't seem right.

It doesn't seem real.

It doesn't seem like she's really gone.

But yet, I know she is.

I want to dial her number and hear Lance pretend to be "William" and prank call her.

She pretended she didn't know who it was.  But she had caller ID.

He'd get her all rilled up.  She loved every minute.

If Nanny did one thing well, she loved.

She loved so many. 

She loved her kids.  Her grandkids.  Her church family.  Her new friends at her new home. 

She loved Jesus.

For those of us left behind, we'll miss her love. 

But we have to be happy too because she's with Jesus.

In Heaven.  What better place is there?

There is none.

So, how do you say goodbye?

For me, I close my eyes and remember the good times.

I'll remember that she didn't suffer.

I'll remember that she loved Jesus. And loved us.

I'll remember her voice.

I'll remember, that she's where we all long to be- at the feet of Jesus.

I'm still sad.

I'll still cry.

But I'll find joy in the memories.

 

Cutest Kid EVER!

Look at those lips.  Mmm...I think I'll go wake him up right now so I can kiss him in the mouth!

Oh and those little squinty eyes...

and that smile. 

Mmmm.

I LOVE this kid!

No use crying...

...over spilled milk

You know what I say to that phrase? 

BULL HONKEY!

Really I said other choice words when this happened but I'll leave that to your imagination!

Whoever coined that phrase has never worked so hard for 10 ounces,

only to knock 3 of  it over in the mixing process.

I knew it was bound to happen on day. 

I'm surprised it hasn't already in 11 months.

Nevertheless, it still hurt...

and I still got a knot in the pit of my stomach when I did it!

11 Months

Nevermind the food all over his face and hands.

That's how we like it 'round here.

Look at the determination here...

Let's see...11 months.

Right now, you sleep from about 8 till 6:30.

You might sleep in till 7 on the weekend.

You nurse\take a bottle 4 times a day.

6:30-11:00-3:00-7:45

You eat 3 meals a day.

Your favorite food is baked cubed sweet potatoes with cinnamon and chicken.

Just this past week we started whole milk in your bottle.  1 oz in each so far.

You take 2 naps a day at school- typically an hour each.

You now sleep on a cot at school.  You LOVE the cot!

You do really well walking (assisted).

You've figured out how to make your 'tripod' (pictured above) turn.

You think you're big stuff when you go up and down the hall way.

You love to play ball.  You will bounce and roll a ball for hours.

You have a helmet now.  But your head is rounding out beautifully.

I'm glad Daddy convinced me it was the right thing to do.

You babble all the time.  Da Da, Ka (Kirby), ba ba, an occasional ma ma and du (duck).

You LOVE Kirby and she loves you.  She likes to lick you in.the.face and it drives.me.nuts.

This week you've discovered the wind and you think it's really funny and it makes you smile.

You are very smart.  To watch your 'problem solving' skills is amazing.

Only 11 months old but you can figure out how to do things if given the opportunity.

It's fun to watch you and see what you're going to figure out next.

Me and Daddy love you so much.

It seems like just yesterday that you were born but then it also feels like a lifetime.

It feels like we've all been together forever, like you've always been with us.

I don't know what we did before you.

We look forward to watching you grow and learn.

But, slow down please- it's all going way too fast.

29! Happy Birthday Boo!

Ahhh, the Great Debate...

Funfetti or Strawberry???

Funfetti this year!

Easton says he's got the best daddy in the whole world!

Even though he looks like he's fighting that statement in this pic!

Boo,

You are an amazing husband and Father.

To watch you with Easton melts my heart.

Thank you for being such a hard worker.

Thank you for your devotion to our family.

Thank you for your sense of humor.

Thank you for your surprises.

Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for loving Easton.

Thank you for loving Kirby.

Thank you for being you.

I look forward to the happiest year ever!

I love you.

Ann

"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."

-Winnie the Pooh

Splish Splash IMMA takin a bath!!!!

OH, this baby LOVES to splash!

And we started a new game- throw the soaking wet wash cloth out of the tub and make momma get it.

Try it! 

It's HILLARIOUS! 

Easton sure thought it was. 

I bet he threw it out 50 times...

and I picked it up 50 times.

FUN TIMES!

Cow's Milk

Well, we made it this far...and I'm both thankful and proud.

When I first started nursing, I never thought I'd make it this far.  Those first 6 weeks were hard.  They were challenging.  The anal part of me wanted to know exactly how much he was getting but with breastfeeding that's not possible.  But once I got past 6 weeks and got the hang of it I knew I was in it for the long haul.  It's been a long 10 months of no dairy, dr pepper, sweet tea, chocolate (ok...so I might have snuck this in every now and then) but it's been so worth it.  To have a happy baby who didn't have colic and no spit up issues (other than to certain things that I ate but if it bothered him I eliminated it) and a baby on a schedule has been totally worth every hard thing I've done over the past 10 months and 3 weeks and 4 days.  Some may not think that eliminating those things was necessary or didn't think my schedule was best, but for me and for my Easton, it was the best. I have no doubt.

I'm thankful for the extra that the Lord did bless me with on the front end so I could freeze and store it up for those sick times and for now when I'm almost at the end.  I was even able to feed little Zoe with some frozen milk when Brooke needed some help.  That was a sweet experience. One I'll cherish forever.

However, my milk has recently taken quite the nose dive south.  I used to pump 8-9 ounces at each sitting, now I do good to get 7-8 for the whole day.  And, those numbers just don't cut it.  Easton needs 2- 6 ounce bottles at school.  I have enough frozen to last us a week or so to combine with the fresh milk but I felt like I needed to start whole milk as well to see if he has any issues.  I didn't want to wait till it was too late and have none frozen and no other options but formula. (BTW- Formula is FINE, I just didn't want to deal with it if I didn't have too.)

So, today is the day.  Today Easton got 1 ounce of this stuff in his bottle. 

{image via}

I know, 1 ounce.  You're thinking Ann, get a hold of yourself...but this is a big deal.  I think if he's going to have an allergy to it, 1 ounce would show that.  Everyone I've talked too said if they're gonna have a reaction they'll have it with 1 ounce or 6 so I'm praying all goes well.  I plan on adding a little every day to my milk until he's entirely on whole milk.  I do plan on nursing through a year, even if just in the morning and at night.  It's such a sweet bond and I'm not ready to give it ALL up just yet!

So, here's to whole milk!!!  Getcha a big ole glass....and some oreo cookies.